Hi Blog :)

It has been months... about 4. right now I hate my life. I'm better then I was, but I'm not good. "boyfriend" (if I can even call him that) are so fucked up right now. We were good... until he started never wanting to hangout with me except at night. The only thing we'd ever do together is go to sleep at night, and that's the only time I'd see him. and that bothered the shit out of me. We'd occasionally do dinner or a movie or a party... but it just don't feel like it should. anyway, we got into a big fight almost a month ago and he broke up with me (i know, i always get dumped hahaha) but then he said he wanted to talk and he still wants to be together, and he hasn't changed his status on myspace or facebook to single so I just don't know what to do. I don't know where we are at all... so I don't know if I'm single or not. I want to be with him, I just want it to be like it was before. I just don't see it happening though and it makes me so sad. I wish he'd snap out of it and start wanting me again. Do you miss me? we've hungout like 3 times in the past 3 weeks. anytime I talk to you its like you can't stand it. This isn't right. I know what I've got to do, i just can't do it. I can't end this, I don't want to. But I know it's needed if you aren't going to change. If you aren't going to start acting like a boyfriend again, then I can't wait around. You never have the time to talk, and you're so busy with baseball. I just need to see you. I just need this to be resolved. man, there's so much more i'm holding in that I want to say but I can't right now. I need to know if he wants to be with me. I want to be with him if he wants to start acting right.....otherwise I need to be strong and leave him, and at first it's going to suck. but it'll be worth it, i'll be off the damn chain. I feel like I'm waiting around on him and it hurts because the wait is so long. Why won't you call me? why won't you text me asking to hangout? are you really that busy... or are you making yourself busy to avoid me. I can't stand this much longer.